Day 27 - Reflective Sunday

February 1, 2015

Day 27

This Sunday I am reflecting on last week. When life overwhelms and you do not feel like doing anything and not doing something makes you feel worse but you can not think of what you want to do to make it feel better and reading a book does not at all interest you and you are not sure of what you want to eat but you want to eat something, what do you do? These feelings are not typical visitors for me. But when they come they sure can drag me from one place of discontentment to another and they are probably what others would refer to as depression. Last week I was inching up to these "feelings."

For me, these feelings,  have been known to come after a planned event. Or they have appeared during a month when my "friend" comes a visiting (wink, wink). Over the years, I have learned some techniques. I had to put them into place this past week.  And these "depressed" feelings will not even show up this week, there is no time. In contrast, this coming week is one week to write home about. "Dear Mom and Dad, I am doing this and I am doing that and I need to plan this and plan that...."

So, what do I do with these uninvited guests, these feelings? I wash dishes. We do not have a dishwasher and it is largely due to the need for this mindless activity. It allows me to be productive.  During these times, I do not even think of large tasks I just use small tasks as jump starters. So I organize something, a drawer, just one drawer. Or, I do a load of wash. Or, I fold a basket of laundry. When it is warm weather I dig in the soil in my garden. You would think that I would be an amazing gardener, not really. But man do I love to dig. 

Reading is not a good activity for me during these times, it involves my mind. So, I get up and move. A good walk around the block (Walmart- a 1 mile around the outside perimeter) always gets things flowing but I sometimes have a tough time motivating myself to walk, pathetic-I know.

So, I often find myself just doing the housework tasks which allows my mind rest. You see, my mind does not stop and nine times out of ten I get to this place when I am not paying attention to the need for meditation on God's goodness. My mind, at this point, spirals onto wrong trails, not disgusting trails just wrong trails. 

I will give you an example: She is doing "(fill in the blank)" so much better. We should be doing "(fill in the blanks)." I should have, I could have, I would have are phrases that often taunt me during these times. These are times I look over someone else's back yard fence and start to covet. You know what???  Maybe THAT is disgusting??? !! You see I like to downplay coveting. I see it as my right, my human tendency. But coveting is the foundation of all the other sins. That is for another blog post. (bet ya can't wait for that one) So, that downward spiral (Lynn's phrasing) leads me to a listlessness, directionless state of mind.

So, I have also learned to start the gratitude list. I start off thanking him for toilet paper and water that runs freely out of my sink, beds with sheets, pillows, light fixtures, toothbrushes, butter, honey, a wonderful van. I start small and I end up big. Thank you for my husband, thank you for my children, thank you for allowing us freedom in the United States. Gratitude always lifts me up and knowing this makes it sad at how long it takes me sometimes to "go there."

So, today I write and am grateful that at end of week I sit in a clean home having had a wonderful lunch with the help of my buddy, Ryan Cupo, who helped me cook. He is the one on the rocking chair sleeping.  I enjoyed a rousing game of Pente with Ryan, Katie Schwartz and Nicky Sue. I sit here with the SuperBowl noise in the background. I am content. 

I am looking forward to a packed week not knowing how all the pieces will fit together but if I am smart I will focus on the right focal point!