Day 250: November 1, 2016 Pillow Promises to Sleep With

    Pillow Promises to Sleep With

November 1, 2016

Day 250

Tonight when I lay my head down to sleep I am going to go through a list of positive affirmations or another way to put it, a list of God's promises. For I am waking in the wee hours needing to crawl to fundamental and elementary understandings. He has called me to do better than this. It is time to move past this point of weak faith. I must climb to greater rocks of God's goodness.

I am going to start by reading the following tonight.

Why not?

Joshua 1: 9 - 11

Isaiah 40:28 -31

Isaiah 41:10

Philippians 4:9

Romans 8:37 -39

Proverb 1:33

John 14:27

1 Chronicles 16:11

Exodus 15:2

Philippians 4:13

Psalm 18: 32-34

I purposely only gave the references. It also might be helpful for you to look for them and be delighted by the hope each one offers.

Day 249: October 30,2016 Unrest, Unraveling

October 30, 2016
Day 249

Unrest, Unraveling

There is unrest, unravelling, and a rush to emotional stability amidst uneven pieces. We are overwhelmed, underwhelmed, unsure and too sure. We want to throw our trust into the safest place possible but we are desperately looking for that spot.

Early morning, from a nightmare, I wake in terror. I am desperately calling to pedestrians walking towards the public pool in the middle of a town common. She dives into the pool, blond haired, fine tuned, but a weak swimmer. I am the strong swimmer with super human powers and I dive in to rescue her only to discover blood cur-tiling fear. She swims toward me with a concentrated look of regret. I am confused. She is being forced and she wants me somehow to know this for she cannot communicate. Her voice is not in her control. She is slowly swimming with the intent to kill. Me. To the core I am frightened. I scream, beg for help, but my voice is weak.

I dodge her robotic methodical evil advances. My powers can take her down but something is holding me back. She is advancing, slowly, and I am attempting to scream but they are feeble. In terror I awake.

The unrest, the unravelling, a rush to stability, the overwhelmed, the underwhelmed, the unsure and too sure is underneath the surface. My surface. When I awake early I look to my phone for the time and then I check twitter. Twitter feeds me breaking news. This morning I follow #TheCourageConference of which my dear friend Pam is attending. This conference is a call to churches committing to safety within the Body. I follow a tweet that leads me to an article about Brock Turner, the young man who rapes an unconscious woman. I read what she speaks to him at the trial. I read about a woman sexually assaulted. I begin to feel and see my dream as an enigma. These articles should have been the precursor, instead they are the follow up.

The church as it stands is unsafe. The powerful in the pool swim powerless. The weak swimmers are terrifying the strong. The enemy is using the blond woman's face for he wants us to forget the spiritual world of evil intent, the principalities. Instead he lures us to focus on people. With fear he tries to render powerless the strong swimmer.

The strong are calling out to humans and not relying on their inner strength of the Holy Spirit, God within, Jesus moving His Body to rescue His Body. The weak swimmer can not kill. But the strong can move in feet first and help the weak one to safety. We must not call out to humanity, to the pedestrians walking by. We must call out to the living God who lives within. We must depend on the strength of the Holy Spirit.


What a dream! What a message! What a call! What an awakening! May we use the power of the Holy Spirit to rescue the weak and create safety within our church walls.

Day 248: October 28, 2016 Moments Raising Memory Banners

October 28, 2016

Day 248

Moments Raising Memory Banners

The moments are stopped when you step out of the ordinary.  When I say yes to a sun filled, brisk walk at French Creek with my daughter, yes to an enchanted visit from a dear friend whom I have known since the 70's, yes to scrummytuck snacks with a soul sister, yes to a pray gathering, yes to hang with a son and his friend (thanks for hanging with me Geoff and Evan), yes to driving an open and loving daughter to a retreat, and yes to our relational son in law for dinner at their home. 

This week has added more things to reflect on and I am so grateful. These moments raise memory banners high in the sky. I am thankful for life and for lovely relationships and I refuse to take them for granted. They are good gifts and a reminder that I am alive and well loved. 

To those who have been given much, much is required. What a privilege and a pleasure. I live to live fully engaged.

Day 247: October 26, 2016 Shine on, You Precious One

October 26, 2016
Day 247

Shine on, You Precious One

The brilliant stars assertively pierce the thick dark. Darkness has no power, it is overcome. Where does the darkness rush? No where. Darkness has no momentum, no direction, no essence, it is the absence of light. Darkness is not covered, darkness does not hide. In the presence of light darkness is not.

Light is always. Mornings are daily reminders of mercy served fresh. Light rushes to the void. Light is power. Light moves, penetrates, warms, generates, fuels, burns, and always shines. Nothing has or ever will make it cease. Darkness is nothing. Light is everything. Darkness never overcomes even the weakest light.

Where there is dark there can be light. Where there is light it will not be dark. Darkness always contains light. Light never contains darkness. Darkness hides. Light finds all.

Shine on, you precious one.

Day 246: October 23, 2016 Bedtime Thoughts on Grace

October 23, 2016
Day 246

Bedtime Thoughts on Grace

Grace passes me to hug
the person I avoid.
Grace races behind me
to the person I left in the dust.
Grace swirls me around
to see the hidden one.
Grace inquires of the one who needs.
Grace outraces, outpaces and
chases me in "Tag You're It"!
Grace listens
when I turn a deaf ear.
Grace does not endure me
Grace adores me.

When it should not, grace gives.
When it should not, grace loves.
When it should not, grace hopes.
Grace says yes, yes, yes and yes.
Grace does not know the words, GIVE UP.

Grace is the rogue of all rogue waves defying logic
while scooping sin up and plummeting it hard.
The more sin the more grace.
Sin never shuts grace down, grace shuts sin down.
Grace will never make sense,
its wisdom is steeped in unthinkable
love.

Grace is home.
Grace is comfort.
Grace is rest.
Grace is food to all who are hungry but have nothing.
Grace only knows more than enough.

Grace serves more and more and more.

Grace serves on.

Day 245: October 22, 2016 Simple Tasks are Well Kept Roads

October 22, 2016
Day 245

Simple Tasks are Well Kept Roads

This blustery morning and afternoon consists of the mundane. I love my life. My spirit regenerates with simple tasks and my heart beats still. My mind needs common patterns. Common soothes and relaxes this brain that does not stop. Today is full of tasks allowing me to think, to dream, to ponder, to be grateful. Will I accomplish all of them? Maybe. Maybe not.


The kitchen has more dishes on the counters than in the cupboards. My time was limited yesterday as I manned the Gazebo and assisted my homeschool son with his homework. Spending time with the Coffee Gazebo Manager - my daughter, is always a thrill for me, so shoving the dishes further back on the burner only made common sense. The lag time between clean and dirty is allowed but a lag time between present and absence with my family, friends, and others leads to relational damage. Not going there.

I love hand washing dishes for I need simple tasks. These tasks are well kept roads allowing my brain to travel with ease. Ideas, visions, and insights come from this realm of my mundane. Many of them are thrown out when they meet reality. But they are always fun to ping pong while there's bounce.

And, even though I would love to clean and tidy every room while savoring the simplicity, I must leave that for another moment of calm. Lynn and I are going vegetable hunting in a few minutes. Or at least that is what I am calling it and I am about to barf at my own words.  And you need to understand that if we actually get off in good time, I'll be in shock. I have not made a significant dent today. But I so love contemplating my mundane, my simplicity, my.... (are you not going to shut me up?).

I love my life. Where I live, in the state of PA, is a dream. So I must go and search these roads for veggie's.  I will never get done with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. The day I get done is the day my house is empty. The day my house is empty is the day my Spirit moves on to a fuller home. Life is short. To clean, to organize, is to enter into a realm of calm. But trust me, I'll enjoy the calm driving on the off roads of Route 23. My hunt is on for vegetable soup for tomorrow's lunch.

Day 244: October 18, 2016 Raft-Soar

October 18, 2016
Day 244

                   Raft-Soar

The raft on Canadaguia Lake in Upstate New York is where I sit and ask Jesus to come to me. It is my safe place and He always comes. Tonight, was no different though it challenged paradigms. In the heart of Lancaster City at Voice of the Apostles I am among the family of God worshipping. In a whoosh the raft is skimming over water, full throttle and in no time, airborne. We are raft-soaring high. He speaks words to me as I wonder about the safety. "You are safe! Everywhere you are with me, you are safe."

He, the air craft controller, is laughing. We race over lakes, mountains, valleys, canyons and deserts. In His presence I am hopeful, content, full of vision, loved, and appreciated. His presence is safety no matter where. This raft-soar is His demonstration.

To be with Him is thrilling, high adventure, sure risk and the assurance that all is saved, nothing is lost. This safety is from evil spirits, powers of darkness, principalities and evil forces. The raft races over countries, dips into oceans and as time goes on He will help me see the meaning behind all this raft race.

Whenever He comes to my safe place and immediately pulls me into a spirit activity, such as I have just described, I wonder how long can this last? I have come to realize as long as I can handle it. Interestingly enough, my spirit can only handle so much. There usually is a need for time and space between these active moments. These times fill me. The constant presence of His Holy Spirit comforts me. And to know He wants to be with me blesses me beyond belief.

Day 243: October 17, 2018 Breakfast Consisting of Soul Food

October 17, 2018  
Day 243              

Breakfast Consisting of Soul Food

Deals going down in dismal disarray, heartbreaks crushing souls, conspiracies making grown men weak. My world spinning in need of centering. Every morning I awake to this. Sometimes I can actually see, hear, and feel the discord. I flail in a tunnel of discontent. I am almost infected with it until I EAT MY BREAKFAST!

I must have nutrition. During election years I know Isaiah has hearty food. The ancient words race to my armchair filling my spirit with expectation of good in the midst of the very bad. A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse from his roots a Branch will bear fruit. I am thankful. The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him- the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD- and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. (Isaiah 11:1-3) 

The reality begins to appear. I remember I am privy to another Kingdom. There are only elects here for THE election is over. The LEADER of all is in charge of a dimension where all things matter. Few more bites of this nourishment and my blood vessels pulse with security, and victory. I begin to see who is flailing. It is not me but rather the world.

The ancient words turn my head, heart, mind, soul, and flesh to thirst. I am parched when I wake. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. (Ps. 42:2) He waits for me to ask Him to connect my need with my want. Where do I go for the drink. He whispers to me, go anywhere. Anywhere you are, Lynne, there I AM. Meet with me anywhere. My well overflows with clean, fresh, vibrant, living water that quenches thirst with every burst from the green hose.

My heart is reminded of the checklist, the order, the process, the protocol that was once needed to meet with the Living God. It was killed on a dreadful day when all was seemingly lost. The spirit world stood in horror. They were unaware of the Trinity's redemptive, restorative plan. The darkness had not understood it. (John 1:5) He has pitched a tent in my heart and forever there resides.

The door opened through Him of whom all things were made.  Without Him nothing was made that has been made.  (John 1:3) The dismal disarray, heartbreaking moments, the gut wrenching trauma is now continually washed in a sea of sweet comfort. Tears, aches, deep pains are collected and soothed with oil from a Father's Heart that loves deep and well and uninhibited.

My body courses with the nourishment from the ancient words. My mind wakes with energy as the spirit within works me back to Isaiah. He directs me to an understanding that the same Spirit resides within me; wisdom, understanding, counsel, power, knowledge and fear of the Lord. I am full. I am ready. I am strong in Spirit.

A day without nourishment is a day where my memory flails.

Day 242: October 16, 2016 Where have all the wise men gone, long time passing?

October 16, 2016
Day 242

Where have all the wise men gone, long time passing? 

As time chases to the election I stall to the booth. I am at a loss. I pick petals off a daisy uttering, I vote you, I vote you not. But I am wondering, did I miss something? Are these really our candidates?

If these are the two, I see them as one as the same. For starters, Hill loves emails, Don loves femails. One deletes and the other should. Oh, but they have more in common than that. People say that we are are choosing between the lesser of two evils. That's gotta hurt. Poor Don and Hill can't seem to catch a break.

Clearly, both Don and Hill had no idea they were attending debates, let alone who that person was sitting at the big dinning room looking table interrupting their quarrels. What are moderators for other than to be ignored? I had playground flashbacks watching those two.

They have made it to the top. Of what? Who knows? It's something and it's the top and it is all they've ever wanted. Let's let them stay at this top and quietly leave. C'mon, let's go. They'll be fine.

Honestly, don't you think it is fitting that these two are the final contestants. This country was not looking for another reality show. Though it has the look and feel of make believe. And we are not talking Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

I'm looking for Bob Barker and door number three. This would be the year. This would be the year.

Regardless of my uncertainity and uneasieness - I am voting. It is my right and my privilege. And as I close that curtain, I plead the fifth.
See you at the polls.

Day 252: October 12, 2016 Bull in a China Shop

October 12, 2016
Day 252

Bull in a China Shop

My heart is heavy. So, I go to Jesus. I am overwhelmed. So, I lay my head on Jesus' lap. I am burdened for my sisters. So, I ask Jesus to listen.

I am saddened by how I use to listen, how I use to advise, how I use to think. I know Jesus forgives me, He is so kind that way. Still it makes me sad. I did not know. For so many of the women's stories could not be told. Many times I filled in the blanks before I let them. I created their story when their story was not ready to be shared.

A bull in a china shop is a fitting image for this woman, Lynne Burkholder.  But He prefers me as a sheep lying down in green pastures, led beside still waters.

For pity's sake, I was so blind. But I turn from this. I now walk in a different direction locking arms with different people who commit to seeing life from a point of love and not judgment.

Jesus stooped when a woman was brought out in an act of sin. He stooped. Who am I to stand and judge? Who am I? I desire to live, to act, and to love like the only man who was able to throw a stone and yet chose to stoop, love, and forgive!

Day 251: October 12, 2016 Bull in a China Shop

October 12, 2016
Day 251

Bull in a China Shop

My heart is heavy. So, I go to Jesus. I am overwhelmed. So, I lay my head on Jesus' lap. I am burdened for my sisters. So, I ask Jesus to listen.

I am saddened by how I use to listen, how I use to advise, how I use to think. I know Jesus forgives me, He is so kind that way. Still it makes me sad. I did not know. For so many of the women's stories could not be told. Many times I filled in the blanks before I let them. I created their story when their story was not ready to be shared.

A bull in a china shop is a fitting image for this woman, Lynne Burkholder.  But He prefers me as a sheep lying down in green pastures, led beside still waters.

For pity's sake, I was so blind. But I turn from this. I now walk in a different direction locking arms with different people who commit to seeing life from a point of love and not judgment.

Jesus stooped when a woman was brought out in an act of sin. He stooped. Who am I to stand and judge? Who am I? I desire to live, to act, and to love like the only man who was able to throw a stone and yet chose to stoop, love, and forgive!

Day 250: October 11, 2016 Strong, Powerful Women - GPS

October 11, 2016
Day 250

Strong, Powerful Women - GPS

Tonight I have the distinct privilege of being amongst women who know what it means to endure and persevere. These are survivors. The fellowship of suffering among them is palpable, you can cut it with a knife. There is little talk about the weather. Instead there is talk about healing, trust, endurance, mercy, grace and hope for tomorrow.

Together, we are moving in a direction of love and honor. These survivors have much to teach. And I am all ears. They are showing me the way of love, honesty, strength and persistence. They have overcome silence. They are learning to share their story of pain, of suffering, how they have overcome. To listen to them is to learn deep truths. They know the One who creates hope out of suffering.

They are helping us develop God honoring ways to deal with pain in the Body of Christ. We are rejecting the "Script From Hell". We are instead moving towards the abundance of creativity in the face of adversity. We are moving towards hope.

Only God can bring abundance out of darkness. For God is good even when humans make it so dark and ugly. God would never do what man has done to you. He is patient. He is kind. He keeps no record of wrongs. He always hopes. He dies for His friends.

I endeavor to remember this and to love you.

Day 249: October 9, 2016 A Walk in Your Shoes

October 9, 2016
Day 249

A Walk in Your Shoes

I answer too quickly.
I move far too fast.
I judge in a blink.
I act rather crass.

To laugh and to love is a privilege we share.
The burdens, oppressions are for us to bear.
We wander alone and this is a shame.
God calls us to love, to honor His name.

He loves you to death.
He places you high.
He gives you respect.
So, why shall not I?

I will not waste moments,
I will race to forgive.
I will run to repent.
It's the free way to live.

I will hear beyond words.
I will see with my heart.
I will show you respect.
It's where I will start.

Day 248: October 7, 2016 Theo and Jesse

October 7, 2016
Day 248

Theo and Jesse

These boys are mine. One is my son and the other is my daughter and son in love's. Jesse and Theo have known each other for the last two years and the future is bright for these two. Theo loves and adores his uncle and Jesse adores his nephew. The two will have each other and this makes my heart happy.


Jesse came to us when we were in our forties. It is not as easy for him as it has been for us, the difference in our ages. Let's just say, he mentions it. But I remind him if it were not for these old parents he would not be here.

He keeps our lives fresh, active and full of humor. He uses the exact word for the exact moment. His vocabulary has always been stellar. He loves people, he is my most social child.

Theo has pondered his existence since the day of his birth. You felt as if you were watching him chose to grow. He is one contemplative little dude. I have always enjoyed his mother's running commentary on his growth and development. She, like I, loves to know her children. It is pure joy to listen to her talk about Theo.





Theo and Jesse will have adventures.
Theo has the benefit of an older
brother in his uncle. Jesse has the benefit of a
 little brother in his nephew.
My heart can not be more full of joy. I love these                                                                                     two boys. They are mine, a grandson and a son.

Day 247: October 5, 2016 The Gazebo

October 5, 2016
Day 247

The Gazebo

Serving coffee on our property is time well spent. To walk out the side door is something I do not take for granted. I am on vacation everyday I walk towards the coffee place, the revered Gazebo. Every step is gratitude.

Gazebo babies are adored, kissed and hugged. The new moms are congratulated and encouraged. We speak of the town, we speak of sadness, we speak of hardship and death. We wonder, we ponder, and we consider. Friendships have been made and contacts have been shared. We've cried and we've laughed. We tell stories, we tell jokes, we speak of politics, we speak of religion. We share job and family stories. And we laugh and laugh and laugh some more. This is one enchanted spot and I am privileged
to witness the magic of the Gazebo.

There are many times we feel moments deeply in the circular machine. We transport to a place of kindness and honor. We are community and it is in this place we sense it profoundly.





 There are birthday parties, concerts, bible studies, and friends sharing moments, families taking pictures and people meeting for the first time. We love Twin Valley Students and their support via Toddy purchases and fundraisers.

Our customers have been gracious, kind and extremely helpful to us. They are patient and they encourage us. They have watched us grow, they have watched us stumble. They accept us. We love serving coffee to this town. The Gazebo is a melting pot, it is this community's watering hole. What a privilege to be part of a spot where differences are surpassed with a good cup of Twin Valley Coffee!

Day 246: October 3, 2016 Jen Hatmaker's Face book Post - Must Read

October 3, 2016

Day 246

Jen Hatmaker's Face book Post - Must Read

This is Jen Hatmaker's post for Sunday 2, 2016. This is not my writing. Repeat this is not my writing but it is my heart!

"....In the spirit of transparency, I'll tell you that I've had a pressure on my chest for a bit - pushing, pushing, pushing. This pressure is familiar, like a terrible old frenemy, but it just hasn't been around in awhile. The pressure says the same old thing: "You're not enough, not right, not good, not meeting expectations, not falling in line, not giving everyone what they want." It's such a boring, tired message, but it somehow works every.single.time.

I got to spend a bit of time with friend and mentor Marilyn Meberg this weekend in Dallas at Belong, and she got on the bus, sat right next to me, brushed aside any scrap of chit chat and said: "God has something for me to tell you and I didn't know when I could do it this weekend, but here we are and here it is..."

She reminded me that liberation is God's whole plan for all of us: to set us free. To set us free from sin and shame and loss and isolation and harm. It is for freedom that Christ set us free - not to be used, not to be a pawn for God's fame, not to follow better rules, not to become self-righteous...He set us free so we would be free. Full stop. He set us free so we could live a free life. What a good God! A free life is a full life, a purposeful life, a rich life, a healthy life, a loving life, a connected life, a powerful life. Of course Jesus wants freedom for us.

Anyhow, Marilyn reminded me that anytime we crave the freedom of others, when we work toward THEIR liberty, equality, justice, seat at the table - we should absolutely expect a full-court press of opposition. FULL COURT PRESS. The work is too important. It delivers too much freedom to a world that has always operated on hierarchy, power, and position. Anytime captives are set free, the fragile ecosystem of power is in jeopardy. What better way to keep God's people hamstrung, in-fighting, destabilized, and neutralized than to keep them in bondage, especially by each other? She told me the main message:

Keep speaking.

She touched on something I hadn't even been able to identify exactly. This pressure to muzzle, to deliver content that only makes people happy, amused, entertained, or comfortable - but to shut down the conversations that push, expose, call out, and disrupt. This pressure to package the Good News in only the preferred template to the preferred crowd in the preferred manner with the preferred language.

Someone called me "small" online yesterday. But I think the actual implication is that a big gospel is scary and unfamiliar and uncomfortable and intimidating. We prefer it contained, to be quite honest. We prefer to see it operate in OUR channels, in OUR context, in OUR language, for OUR benefit. Watching the gospel of freedom head outward toward others in ways outside our experience feels disorienting, and in an attempt to keep it tight, right, contained, and manageable, we criticize and poke holes and grasp. I've done this exact thing.

Good friends, let's keep craving the freedom of others, no matter how much criticism it draws. Because if we love mercy for ourselves, we better love it for everyone else, or there is no truth in us. And I guess we better expect a fight, because liberation is powerful. I give you the same permission and assignment Marilyn gave me:

Keep speaking.

Keep speaking.

Keep speaking.

It is for freedom that Jesus set us free. All of us...."

Take time to find out about one of our family members, Jen Hatmaker.

Day 245: October 2, 2016 Another Conference- Boy Am I Excited.

October 2,2016
Day 245

Another Conference-Boy Am I Excited

In two weeks Lynn, Chris and I will be attending a conference called Global Awakening. Back just one year I would not have even heard of this event. I am only going because the book of John has literally taken my life and turned it upside down. From the pages of this gospel the view of the Trinity is undeniable and life altering.

The Trinity offers a beautiful, honoring, and inviting picture of all three persons and reaches out to humanity to gather us in. I am trapped in the Trinity of love and intimacy with Jesus. He is a continuous embrace of kindness, goodness and deep affection.

Go to the website of Global Awakening, you might want to attend as well?!

Day 244: October 2, 2016 Another Conference- Boy Am I Excited.

October 2,2016
Day 244

Another Conference-Boy Am I Excited

In two weeks Lynn, Chris and I will be attending a conference called Global Awakening. Back just one year I would not have even heard of this event. I am only going because the book of John has literally taken my life and turned it upside down. From the pages of this gospel the view of the Trinity is undeniable and life altering.

The Trinity offers a beautiful, honoring, and inviting picture of all three persons and reaches out to humanity to gather us in. I am trapped in the Trinity of love and intimacy with Jesus. He is a continuous embrace of kindness, goodness and deep affection.

Go to the website of Global Awakening, you might want to attend as well?!