Day 138
It is lonely. Everyday she wakes up to the reality. He is not here. But, he was suppose to be.
Words were spoken of his healing. Her faith rested on the words. The healing did not happen. Everyday this lonely fact is confirmed. Everyday she wrestles with his death wondering why not a healing.
The bed is empty. Once it was full. She had years of him and now she will have years without him. Loneliness has arrived. There are conversations with others from which she has to walk away. They say things that cut to her heart. They had not thought.
Alone, she travels on familiar roads remembering their conversations, dreams, and tears. Certain landmarks remind her of exactly what was said. The road becomes blurry, the tears come without warning. She never knows when his memories will overwhelm her.
She misses him desperately. The years were filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly and she would do anything to have them all back. He left a whole man devoted to Jesus but he left his children. His shoes will never be filled. He left his grandchildren, they will never know his grandfatherly ways.
No, Life will never be the same. She knows God is good but this truly stinks. She loves Jesus, she rests on Him, she seeks Him. But she wants to rest in the human arms of her man, just once more. D'Lury would give anything for this.
However, the spiritual intimacy she has experienced with her Lord no one can wrestle this from her soul. God has blessed her and now she limps. Jacob understands.
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