Day 183 Addiction: Don't Help Me

July 8, 2015
Day 183


Books and books and books and books and could I have some more books, please. Please. I really need more. I don't have to read them. I need them. They comfort me. I need them on my bed night stand. I need them on my dresser. I need them in baskets. I need them on shelves. I need them in bookshelves. I need them in the kitchen. I need some in the bathroom. I need a book with me when I hop in the car. I need more and more and more and more books. I crave books. My name should be Lynne Bookholder.

Everyday, I need a book! Today, to get me through the laundry lurking, I will read a couple of paragraphs as a reward system. I will never end this addiction. It is hardcore.

This did not begin as a little girl. I was not on my belly with my legs swaying back and forth bent at the knees reading a chapter book under a tree. We didn't have trees. My parents read books to me but it was never a daily or bedtime ritual. Are you kidding? I was creating forts, climbing trees, wandering around town, imaging myself in different stories but rarely did I crack open a book.

The intense pull to books began in high school when many are swayed to many things, some good and some not so good. And it was also then I realized some books were too powerful for me. I was feeling depressed, rather blue. I asked God what it was. The book "Dune" came flying into my mind. I was reading it at the time and my mind was being pulled into a realm I was not ready for, science fiction. I know, that sounds like a wimp, I was and still am. Frank Herbert, the author, wrote this piece of literature, which is a classic in the science fiction genre. But my spirit at the time could not handle it. "Dune" was a lesson in the power of books, they can either bring me up or pull me down. I actually threw the book away and my spirit lifted. As I write, my intrigue in having a go at it again has been sparked, more than likely it would not affect me as an adult. Who knows?

On the other side of the spectrum, Elizabeth Elliot wrote "The Shadow of the Almighty" using Jim Elliot's journal to piece together a good picture of her husband. This book brought me down as well. Man, this guy was too much for me. I felt lazy, unmotivated, superficial, unchristian as I read his journal entries. This dude was seriously all out for Jesus! I had to put it away and hear God say to me, "Lynne, stop looking over the fence. Focus, girl! Just look at me. We can do this and trust me it is not going to be Jimmy's way." I put that book down as well and have yet to finish it.  As I write, my intrigue in having a go at it again has been sparked, more than likely it would not affect me as an adult. Who knows? (yes, I did repeat myself)

The spell of books has lured me further and further into more and more and more. I have learned over the years what books were best for me and when. Some are appropriate with breakfast, some with afternoon tea and some to read in bed. Jan Karon's Mitford series is perfect to read before bedtime. And some are not so good to read before bedtime. I was "studying" the Vampire novels, you know, seeing if what my friends' daughters were reading was appropriate. By midnight I am calling to see if someone had the next book in the series. Could I come get it? Now?! These books pushed me into the next sentence with a sense of urgency. These books are meant for daylight, undercover.

There are books for certain times. Nicky Sue's birth was all about Angela Hunt's books. And when I have been sick in bed I always have a ready supply of reading material but this is a critical time to be choosey when I am at a low point. Back in the '90's I realized that reading Ann Rule with the flu was not a good prescription drug. She is an American true crime writer taking highly publicized cases and giving a bird's eye view of the life of the criminal. You are sick, you are feeling low, and reading Ann Rule at this point causes you to be on guard. Did my husband put something in the broth? Are they plotting my demise as they have left me up here all day with no inquiry? Actually, I am not sure when it is a good time to read Ann Rule. Maybe now.

"Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (I butcher it all the time) is another book I am unable to read. I have tried so many times to get through this. You relate to every one of his characters, he is that good. Dostoyevsky does virtual reality. He helps you climb into the characters' brains and herein lies my problem. Rodion, the main character, commits a crime for the good of society, or so he thinks, and the torment that he endures is too much for him and me. I have to get through this book before I die.

Books are my drugs, my elixir. I love, love, love, books. Yesterday I hid at the Henrietta Library attempting to get work done. When I left I had precious little time, however enough to check the cheap book room. I found, "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamont and "On Writing Well" by William Zinser. They both were in excellent condition and both one dollar! I was frantically searching for change. I was shy 20 cents and ready to ask anyone in the library for change, "Lady, can you spare me a dime?" I did end up searching through the car and found what I needed.

I walked out of that library with such a sense of relief, fulfillment, accomplishment and a severe book high. I love books. When I arrived at home I pulled in the driveway only to pull out again with Jesse who needed a ride to his Championship Game. We arrived at 5:40 pm, I had twenty minutes to read. Not enough time!

I will never show up at Bookaholics Anonymous. This book addiction is going to take me out and far! And there is one book that I read constantly, the Bible. I can read it in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, whenever I want! It does not depress me, it convicts me. It is a mood changer like no other reading material. What I love most about this book is that I know the author.