Day 89
Wednesday evening I was to meet with her and begin a discipleship program our church has in place. This particular program does not delineate the disciple and the teacher, you disciple one another. I like that. She was able to come without her child. We were going to have dinner. She texted later and said she needed to bring her child. I texted back and asked if we could do it next week. I never cancel, I was surprised at myself. But my capacity to "be" was challenged and I decided I really needed to "be." She agreed and it was set for next week. I asked God to not let my cancellation interfere with our budding relationship.
I did feel bad. However, my mental capacity was full to the brim. I am often able to do many big item things in one day but not when the brain is this cluttered. Instead, Lynn, Nicole, Jesse and I headed to French Creek State Park that evening. This is where life gets straightened out for me. And that night at the park was no different. It is a perspective changer looking out at still waters surrounded by a forest.
This ole spring break has not gone as planned and I have internally railed against it. However, thursday night I found myself refreshed, energized and understanding my spring break in God's eyes. Silly me, how easily I forget my high and lofty comments, "Oh, just wake up and brush your teeth and let God lead your day." Unless it is spring break and you have your own list of what you want to accomplish. How easy our theology morphs to our situation.
She called on thursday. "I thought of you, it has been a day. I thought maybe I could come today. But that is ok. I don't have to. It's all right." I could tell by her string of words she was feeling uncomfortable for calling, embarrassed. I responded, "Come! It is a perfect evening, in fact, no one is around it will be just you and I."
She came with her son, we ate, we spoke of the deep things of Jesus and helped one another with aligning ourselves with kingdom perspective. We had a house all to ourselves and it was obvious the night had been planned. My cancellation on wednesday did not impede our budding relationship. God answered my prayer.
I thanked her profusely for feeling safe to call to ask to come over. I loved that she was able to do that. I also told her how blessed I am when people eat with me. Our time together blessed and encouraged me and only on thursday did my cancellation really make sense. To be led by the Holy Spirit sometimes and many times can make you look like a jerk. I certainly felt like one on wednesday evening even though I knew I had to be with my family. But everything became clear on thursday evening; the unplanned time had been planned all along!
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